New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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