we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
