I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
