Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
