sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
