I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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