I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I believe in your delicious
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize