Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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