So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
