marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
