We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
