Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
