i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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