what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
