I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
