So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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