why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
