billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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