you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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