that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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