shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
