My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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