What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
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