Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
