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• (845): View more from New York

  oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"

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• (905): View more from Ontario

  My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.

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• (509): View more from Washington

  Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.

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  25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In

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• (708): View more from Illinois

  What are you doing and how can I add sex in there

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• (774): View more from Massachusetts

  Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.

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• (706): View more from Georgia

  To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.

  (1-706): View more from Georgia

  You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Touche.

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• 

  These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.

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• (616): View more from Michigan

  Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.

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• (406): View more from Montana

  We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.

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