like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I'm bleeding and have questions
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