The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? ðð