she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.