Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?