oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.