you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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