Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?