he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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