it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
