the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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