All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
