I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
