Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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