i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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