Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
