im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
