Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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