I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
