Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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