just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
