I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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