Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
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I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
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I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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