Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
