if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
