I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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