what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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