It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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