dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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