Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Randomize
