Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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