96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
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He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Rumble strips road head = magical
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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