I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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