you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
