Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
My breasts were aching with rage.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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