i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
