Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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