He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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