I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
