Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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