Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
When are your genitals available?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
