Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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