we have officially lost it.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
