just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
