Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
