I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
