he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
