I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
