I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize
