dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
