Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
How does one acquire holy water?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
